Shame … Gareth Cliff’s still single too!

I actually had to put down my Kindle and write this blog this moment!  I’m not alone in my thoughts on relationships and singledom!  Like REALLY not alone!  Some other person just wrote my exact thoughts in his book, bless you Mr Cliff, ‘cos you have said it so much better than I ever could!

I am so sick and tired of people asking me how I’m doing, so interested to hear how well my business is doing, and my family and friends, and animals, and and and … and it’s like they are simply biding their time to ask THE question … “So, are you still single?” … when I happily say, “Yes” you can practically cut their pity for me with a knife … which inevitably leads to me feeling like I need to make some sort of excuse or have some kind of explanation for this unnatural and apparently unacceptable (for most) state of affairs.  Fuck that shit, I’m over it!

You know – just over a year ago a bunch of us started a book club … when we started, it was mainly a group of single girls, with 2 married and 1 in a relationship … we drank, we laughed, and we spoke about SEX most nights, and everything from singledom, men, relationships, jobs, crazy wacky job stories, hook ups, break ups, and everything in between … it was FUN – really really F U N … we created such a bond which I’d like to think we still have … but it’s very different now … everyone except me is involved, married, pregnant, just had a baby, or desperately trying to try without trying … and we talk about weddings, babies, what to eat and when to shag to make babies, how wonderful married life is, and stuff like that … and I feel absolutely awful that this isn’t fun for me any more, but it really isn’t … it feels fake, strained, forced and simply off to me.  And that’s the story of my adult life … you meet cool single people … they hook up … the end.

I have said this a million times to a million people, I didn’t get the gene that says, “You must marry and procreate!”.  I have absolutely no interest in bringing another life into an already overpopulated world.  And I frankly have no interest in tying myself to one person for the rest of my adult life – frankly that does not excite me.  I LOVE my own company … there is nothing better than spending time with numero uno in a hot bubble bath with a good read!  Okay, so yes absolutely I could do with some regular sex, but that’s just a physical urge, very easily sorted out by oneself … and frankly far more satisfyingly than some one night stand!

So, because Mr Cliff has said it just perfectly in his book On Everything … here is an excerpt from chapter entitled “Shame … he’s still single”:

“In many ways, I’m lucky.  I don’t have a lot of time;  I have a great family and wonderful friends, and I’m not very needy, even within a relationship.  But more than any of those, I really love being on my own.  I don’t get lonely, and so I don’t need anyone right now.  A lot of people don’t get that: ‘He must be so lonely’, ‘Maybe he has commitment issues…’, ‘Maybe he’s gay’, and even ‘Poor guy, can’t find anyone … shame.’  The fact is that I like me.  I’m happy with me.  Not all of us need the self-validation of having someone around us all the time.  I would never tell someone who’s happily involved in a relationship that I thought they needed to get out, so why do some people think they need to tell me to get in?

Here’s another thing that might surprise you: for some of us, our relationships are not the most important things about us.  For many guys and girls, their careers, friends, pets, hobbies, holidays, books and even food can supersede relationships in priority.  That’s not sad unless they’re sad people – and we all know you get those in relationships as well as out”

Hear hear Mr Cliff!  Now go buy it and read the rest, whether you’re a Gareth Cliff fan or not, you’ll enjoy the read.  Available for Amazon Kindle here…

Gareth, if you ever stumble across this, you strike me as the kind of guy I could have a helluva good conversation with, or play 30 seconds with, or have a heated discussion with … and for once there’d be no underlying pressure of being sussed out for suitability for a RELATIONSHIP!  Any time you want to not be sussed out in Durbs by the Sea and not suss out in return, shout!


  1. Anonymous on November 4, 2011 at 7:33 am

    My question is not one of single vs married or family'd it is one of friendship and care. I ask how that same group of girls is no longer fun to be around simply because they have changed the topics of conversation. It is obvious from your blog that there is obviously a topic exhaustion with regards to the relationship/family angle. They are obviously the same girls who's company you enjoyed so much earlier, the fact that the conversation has changed should not change the fact that you love and care for them as individuals, surely? Have you asked they to broaden the conversation topics? It sounds to me that they were only your friends as long as you were all talking about the same things. That is way more sad than anything as good friends are a rare pleasure and if we truly do care for them then we forgive them a few self indulgent relationship/family conversations and are open and trusting enough to speak up for a change of topic.

  2. Chanteuse on November 4, 2011 at 7:49 am

    My goodness, where are you reading that I no longer love or care for them??? That goes without saying – I simply don't care for the one track topic of conversation of late – that hasn't changed the way I feel about them as individuals at all! And yes, it seems this blog has started a conversation that needed to be had which is all good 🙂 I look forward to blogging about many more exciting and stimulating book club get togethers ahead 🙂

  3. Sally on November 10, 2011 at 8:15 am

    Hear hear!!! I got married way too young and finally walked away three boys and fifteen years later … all my life I had “someone” but when I reached fabulously fantastically forty I realised that actually I AM ENOUGH!!! I have had six wonderful years of singledom and filled my life with friends and fun and laughter and my awesome children. Now, six years down the line, I have met a really wonderful guy and we have kind of landed up in this really cool relationship and it is awesome, but the best part is that he does not complete me! He does not make my life worth living! He is not my reason for existing! He adds value to my life in many many wonderful ways, however if it all fell apart tomorrow I would be just fine and my full, fun and exciting life would go on just as before. And that is how it should be!!