Hospital Hilarity

I am a typical busy woman.  This means I completely ignore the signs my body sends and push these symptoms to the bottom of the list in my haste to tick off as many things as possible for other people, my business, family, etc.  Nothing new here – enter the Cancerian martyr! LOL!

So in December last year, my body bit back in a big way and demanded my attention!  Terribly timing as usual!  Two weeks before my leave was due to begin and before I gave up my car job!  So I was frantically running around trying to get everything in order with both my businesses, making sure hand-overs went smoothly, etc… when wammo … I was suddenly awake 3 nights in a row with what I thought was excruciating back pain!  After practically overdosing on sleeping tablets and muscle relaxants and accomplishing NOTHING, I deigned to visit my GP, who after fiddling around diagnosed me with a Peptic Ulcer and prescribed me with all sorts of potions guaranteed to sooth my night time agony.  Alas, the very same evening I was panting away like a hippo in labour trying to get through the agony again.  So the next day I was off to the hospital for an ultrasound.  Thanks to a determined Radiographer, a pesky and rather large gall stone was discovered lodged firmly in the neck of my gall bladder.  I was so thrilled to finally have a cause for this agony, and so delighted that there was a solution (removing my gall bladder) that I gave absolutely no thought to anything and booked myself promptly into hospital to have this ruddy thing removed.
Bear in mind that by this stage I had had no sleep at all for 4 nights running, had been experiencing what felt like a 4 days straight of labour, and had had nil-by-mouth – not even water – since the night before (as advised by GP).
So off I go, Duffy in tow to drive me around and keep me company, and get admitted into hospital.  Sun Goddess, in typical style, wished me a “hot anaethetist” … later that afternoon I was wheeled off down to theatre where I met said “hot anaethetist”.  Some hilarity ensued with me trying to be cool while wearing a very unflattering frock which someone forgot to sew up at the back or give any shape at all actually!  I then discover that I need to have a bare fingernail available for the monitor to attach to the system – problem – my fingers and toes have gel overlays on and those suckers aren’t moving!  So, they sent off for a baby monitor thing that goes on your earlobe – well at least I would be accessorised during sugery LOL.
Coming out of anesthesia is where the hilarity actually begun, “Hot Anaethetist” informed me that the earlobe monitor thing kept falling off, so they had to stick it on my nostril!  Great!  Super sexy!
And then once the surgery pain killers wore off, I started experiencing some pain, called the nurse, who very calmly told me that I probably needed the loo and she would help me.  I assured her, having had nil-by-mouth in over 24 hours – I definitely did NOT need the loo.  In fact, I needed buckets of water – evidence by my mouth as parched as if a camel had died inside it!  But alas, she insisted, after spending 30 minutes on the loo waiting for a miracle to produce a drop of wee and while balancing a disgusting looking blood filled drain on my knee, she eventually relented and gave me pain killers and water!  I felt like I’d just come out of a dessert! I’m a water baby normally so my body had a serious deficit 😀  I mean really, what was I meant to wee?  My spinal fluid???
So, long story short, I am now gallbladder-less and the owner of 4 new scars on my belly!  The joys of modern medicine 🙂