Lawyers have nothing on scum-of-the-earth advertisers!

I know I am going to no doubt offend with this blog, and for that I apologise in advance, but this is MY forum to have my say, so you don’t like it, you know the drill – don’t read it.

As a successful owner of a growing small business, you’d be amazed how many people want a piece of you!  I almost long for the days when we were out hustling, trying to get into events to talk, magazines, editorials, etc.  Now every chop is phoning us, no – correction – hounding us, day in and day out for their piece of the action.

You know how people joke about lawyers, and how they’re the scum of the earth, and there’s a special place in hell reserved for them?  I beg to differ!  Give me a scaly lawyer any day of the week and twice on Sunday rather than the dreaded … A D V E R T I S E R S!!!!  I can’t bear it!!!! They’re so annoying and unoriginal it’s frightening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The conversations always go the same way, first of all, they insist on talking to me, despite Boobalicious trying her utmost to fend them off, and encouraging them to email me rather, no I must drop everything I’m doing, roll my eyes and listen to the same inane drivel!  It is enough to suck the life out of you!  Inevitably I end up lying on the reception desk making shoot-me-in-the-head motions with my “hand gun” while Boobalicious laughs at me.

My absolute favourite advertising salespeople are the completely misinformed – the ones that phone you offering to sell you a website for example!  Dude, I have a website, a blog, facebook fan page and twitter account!  I also have 3 separate personal blogs and a personal twitter account!  I ask you with tears in my eyes!  You’ve taken the effort to hunt me and my business down to sell me a website and you didn’t think to google us first?!?!?!?!  Sorry – you fail – you are crowned Lord Oxygen Thief!   Go directly to jail, do not pass Start, do not collect R200!!!!!!!!!  ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Then of course you get the darlings who are experts in your business and who feel it’s their responsibility to tell you how you should run your business, in their infinite wisdom, these types normally have and annoying high-pitched whiny voice!!!!!  “I see you are not advertising Hens Parties, we are the top Bridal Magazine (funny – all 50 of them that call tell me they’re the top bridal magazine!  Whatever!) bla bla bla” – and despite my assurance that I DELIBERATELY am not marketing my business in this arena, they persist!!!!  “But I would have thought you’d want to advertise to brides to be for their hens parties…” they whine on with sarcasm, or maybe disdain (this is supposed to have some effect on me, but sadly not the effect I think they’re intending!).  Um no, because um, I kinda do this whole business thing to … like … make money … and be fulfilled emotionally – not just like … uh… for fun hee hee hee!  Fucking idiots!  I crown thee Dame Ditsy AND Braindead  – just follow Lord Oxygen Thief there please!

And finally, my absolute pet peeve is … the direct sales network marketers!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Duffy, forgive me – you know I’m not referring to you!!!!  You know the ones I’m talking about – Network 21, Amway, Holiday Club, Nu Skin, Sportron … there are so many I can’t bear it!  And you know, on one level I get it.  I’m a well connected, dynamic, energetic woman – of course you’d try to recruit me!  But for heaven’s sake – I have 3 businesses running at the moment, I’m lucky if I find time for 1 gym session a week, let alone the required 3.  I practically don’t have time to shit, now you want to sell me your shit.  And yet again, they all read off the same hymn sheet, 2 sentences in to their pitch I’m grinding my teeth and trying to guess which product I’m being pitched.  And of course, they’re all the best thing EVAH!  Give me strength!  And then they rattle off who’s doing whatever system it is.  And some of them even make sense – you know if you are in the health and wellness industry and you’re selling Sportron – 100% for you dude – it makes sense, you can leverage off the work you’re already doing in your industry and simply have another offering in the same line!  Here’s a headline though : I SELL SEX TOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So unless what you’re trying to sell me is an Orgasm Cream or some new fangled sex toy (that actually works!)  please piss the hell off!!!!!!!!!!!  Shaking my head and rolling my eyeballs!!! So badly I’m making myself dizzy!  Say no more!

Feel way better after that!  God, I love blogging my frustrations away LOL

1 Comment

  1. Candy Claire on August 24, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    ha ha ha!! I know the feeling! Check out my one post. Maybe these can help you a bit and make for a good laugh… http://candiclaire.blogspot.com/2010/04/telemarketers.html