Dad? Father? Mr? What does one call him?

I can’t recall if I’ve shared the story of my personal history here, so if I repeat myself, apologies. I was raised by a single mom after she and my father divorced when I was still a baby in arms. My father then left to go back to his native Mauritius and remarried and had 2 daughters. We stayed in South Africa. My mom subsequently had my brother (different father and also uninvolved!) and that’s our family. Naturally we are super close and spend lots of time together.

My father’s parents stayed in South Africa for a few years and I used to see them regularly, I have happy memories of my aunts, uncles, cousins and especially my gran and her fabulous food! It was a happy period. Then when I was maybe 7(?) my father and his family came back to South Africa briefly, and I would see him and his family on weekends instead of my grandparents. This was not the happiest time for me, my father’s wife and his 2 daughters couldn’t speak English (they could only speak French) so I was never comfortable in their home. It was a difficult situation for everyone involved, thankfully it didn’t last, he pretty quickly went back to Mauritius, and shortly thereafter, so did his parents, and since then, I’ve had no communication from anyone, until recently…
Most of my Mauritian family is back there, and the hand full that are here, periodically get in touch with my mom to keep her up to date, etc. Thanks to Facebook and such, I’m now kind of in contact with some of the extended family. Out of the blue, one of my father’s daughters got in touch with me about a year ago and she has been diligent about keeping in touch, which is nice, but left me thinking, hell, if she can get in touch with me (with or without my father and her mother’s knowledge), you’d think he could too.
Anyway, moving along, fortunately for me, I never lost a father at an age where it left a whole in my life … it has basically always just been just my mom, myself and my brother. It wasn’t a big deal to me.
So, out of the blue this Saturday morning, my phone rings, it’s my father, he’s in the country and was wondering if we could get together.
Needless to say my head is a spiral of conflicting emotions, questions and even anger.
My mom and her friends (who were all jolling buddies back in the day) are so excited that he’s here and pressurising me to include them in our get together which is now sounding like a reunion for all of them!
Is there a point to this blog? Nope! Just sharing what I’m going through with my mates who may be wondering what’s up with me this week. As a typical Cancerian, I am internalising it all and not being very good at talking it through with people! Where’s Dreamer when I need him? This is the first time since we’ve stopped communicating that I’ve truly missed him. But thankfully I have people like Bond Girl, Sun Goddess, Boobalicious and Fashion Girl to talk to about these things 🙂
At some stage I have to take my head out of the ground and get the initial meeting out the way, but for now, I’m just going to bury my head in the sand a little longer and process this all, in my typical Cancerian way – LOL!

4 Comments

  1. Jose on July 20, 2010 at 10:48 am

    So you met your dad yet? how did it all go?



  2. Chanteuse on July 20, 2010 at 11:20 am

    I didn't, still planning to, will definitely blog about it when it happens. Still wrapping my head around the whole concept 🙂



  3. Jose on July 20, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Lol don't waste time though, it can be precious… 🙂 I get the feeling though u hurt for him losing interest those past years but at the same time want to know why the sudden interest… maybe he has regrets… my story not similar although parents divorced when I was 4 (in portugal), and then mom set off to mozambique with stepdad and we followed. Used to go visit him each year but for many years was upset/hurt with him for not helping financially with studies and other stuff, decided to let it all go and make the most out of it after I got married at 23… he passed away from cancer when I was 29… hence why I say, time can be precious…



  4. Jose on July 21, 2010 at 9:58 am

    Hey I trust u didn't take as if I implied he was sick or something, I just meant whether he is or isn't that time is too precious and I'm sure part of you (most likely your inner child) really wants to spend time with him… so I say go for it. 🙂

    oh by the way our birthdays are on same day funny enough, I'm just a year younger 🙂