If I wanted to be a therapist, I would have studied, got myself a discreet little office somewhere with a name plate on the door, and I would charge inordinate sums of money to listen to other people’s problems instead of solving mine… I would plaster a vacant smile on my face, nod periodically and ask, “And how does that make you feel?”… a lot!
But I am not a therapist!
One of my first jobs out of school was as an assistant to a Human Resources Manager, which meant I had to field the crazies! I have to thank the crazies for that experience because it taught me something incredibly important at the tender age of 20… it taught me how easily one can become an alcoholic! I remember coming home, overwhelmed with other people’s problems, and drinking wine until I forgot, every night… thankfully I had the maturity and presence of mind to move into the Library Department’s IT Division! Yup, bury yourself in books and if that doesn’t work, behind a computer screen! I see a pattern here 🙂
I learned something else about myself during that period… I have empathy… I really can feel other people’s pain… this is a gift and a curse… and definitely the reason for this ranting little blog.
Despite putting myself in positions where I don’t get exposed to so many people’s problems, it seems I have a neon sign above my head flashing …
Dr’s IN – verbally regurgitate at will!
I really shouldn’t be annoyed about this, because in many ways it is an honour that people feel they can share with me, but man, WTF!!! There’s never any off time!!! And I don’t have a therapist to regurgitate to, so I carry all this noise around with me!!!
And we’re not talking small shit here either… if someone’s cheating on their partner, who you gonna tell…The Madame… if someone falls pregnant and they shouldn’t, who you gonna tell…The Madame… if someone is desperately in love with someone they shouldn’t be in love with, who you gonna tell…The Madame…
It doesn’t matter who it is, people that met me 20 minutes ago share shit with me they have never told a soul! People I’ve known for years confess things that make my skin crawl!
And when do these confessionals take place? Well… I can be at a birthday party, and birthday girl finds me to cry on at the end of the evening when she’s had far too much to drink, it can be at work and someone pops in every day for their fix so they can feel better, it can be at home, it can be any frikking where, glory me, this is getting ridiculous!
Obviously someone has shared something huge with me in the last 24 hours, which I am not at liberty to divulge, but I ask you with tears in my eyes…
What’s next? Who’s next? Unwilling chick available to carry load! Thank goodness for this little confessional forum!