The hare and the tortoise, but of the human sort…

Male and female sexuality is a vast and complex field of research, and there are so many experts and so many opinions that sometimes one’s not sure what to believe. Dreamer has a saying, “Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them!”. However, there are some things that all medical experts tend to agree on, and this is one of them…

I attended a talk this evening on Stress and Sexuality presented by renowned Professor Lourens Schlebusch. The Prof had many, many interesting things to say and facts to share, but this is something that stood out for me which those of you, like me, who are not in the medical fraternity may not have seen before…

We are all aware that most women take longer than men to reach orgasm, but the Sex Response Cycles really illustrate this clearly and graphically so it’s as plain as day.

The Male Sexual Response Cycle


What is common to both the cycles is the phases of Desire, Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm and Resolution. What does change is the rates at which these phases occur. This will become clearer when you see the graphs superimposed over each other.

The Female Sexual Response Cycle

Again, this cycle has the same phases but often these occur over a longer time period.

Combined Sexual Response Cycle:

Now these are the cycles superimposed on each other. This is the “aha” moment, when some of you women realise that you are completely normal! You will see that the Male Sexual Response Cycle often has him reaching Orgasm and Resolution when the female is only just reaching the Plateau stage! Duh!

So, what does this mean for us in our everyday lives? Well, that is the question we are asked and attempt to answer every day in our boutique.

  1. First of all, you need to realise that your man is 100% normal and you are 100% normal!
  2. Understand these cycles and work with them rather than against them.
  3. Make sure your partner understands the cycle and you both have the same goal of pleasuring each other.
  4. In an ideal world, your man will see this image and have an epiphany and spend the time required getting you to orgasm rather then hopping off like the Hare in Aesop’s fable.
  5. If this is not the case, don’t despair, take the time for yourself and do what it takes to get yourself further along that time line before he gets started himself. Be the Tortoise, slow and steady, don’t give up!
  6. Find out what it is that stimulates you and get on with it, for some it may be a bubble bath and some erotic reading before you get busy as a couple, for others, a little foreplay with a plaything might be required, whatever you need, you owe it to yourself to do that.
  7. Understand and believe that your sexual satisfaction is your own responsibility, no-one else’s.
  8. HAVE FUN, ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!!