I’m one of those girls that weird dates seem to happen to! I choose to believe that this is the case, and I am not drawing weird people to me, or worse yet, creating weird people! If there’s a weirdo out there, no doubt, I have been on a first date with him!

So, since I am infinitely qualified (and all the items below actually have happened to me – seriously!), I have decided to write my Top 10 list of things for a guy NOT to do on a first date! Alternatively, if you are trying to ditch a girl on the first date, follow these instructions! 🙂

  1. Do not show up 20 minutes late! If you are already 15 minutes late, definitely do not phone and apologise for being 5 minutes late!
  2. Do not forget to open the door, pull out her chair, and be chivalrous in general. This is a sign of respect.
  3. Do not check your mobile every 2 seconds, do not text reply people, do not answer calls from other women you are flirting with and have a flirt session across the table from your date! In fact, turn your mobile off!
  4. Do not ask how she thinks the date is going during the date! Definitely do not do this every 7 minutes like a needy puppy looking for a pat on the head!
  5. Do not whine on about your ex wife or girlfriend. Definitely do not use defamatory words to describe them. And don’t divulge that the reason your relationship didn’t work out was because you’re a bloody weirdo!
  6. Do not tell your date that you don’t normally date, or that you haven’t actually left the house in 5 years since your ex dumped you! Following on from that, do not tell your date that you also don’t like company in your house, because people move things and that disturbs you! Also, don’t tell your date that you demolished your bathroom on a whim one day and have been cleaning up in your kitchen for the last year while rebuilding your bathroom in cherry wood, slowly, as you can only afford one piece of wood a month!
  7. If your date is yawning her head off, take this as a sign and for pity’s sake, cut the date short for the poor woman! Let me tell you, if she was into you, it wouldn’t matter if she’d just come off a 36 hour shift, she’d pay attention and NOT yawn! Yes boys, take this as a sign!
  8. Do not take your date’s half eaten slice of cake in a doggy bag for yourself! Or for anyone else for that matter, if she doesn’t want her own leftovers, leave them, you damn weirdo!
  9. Do not under any circumstances allow your date to pick up the tab or contribute towards the tab on the first date! She said yes to your invitation, and then spent all that time and effort getting ready for you, and, 9 out of 10 times went and bought a new blouse or shoes or bag or something to impress you, AND now you’re going to let her pay some of all of the bill! Don’t do it, dude!
  10. Do not pull out your calculator, or cell phone, to work out the tip on the bill to the cent, especially if you make a mistake and the waitron has to come back and query it. Should this happen, do not pull out the calculator for a second time to double check her and pull coins out your wallet to make up the difference!

Even though all these things actually happened to me, and believe me there are more, I still can’t believe it, it is totally surreal!